In Your Arms I Am Found
by The Hark-ness monster
Summary: After Cas has fallen, he lives with the boys in the bunker. But they can only take so much co-habitation before things get ugly. Cas finds solace in Sam's arms and they both realize a deep attraction they had long suppressed.


There was yelling and screaming and hearts breaking.

For a few days at least Cas had been able to live in peace with the Winchesters in the Men of Letters bunker. But they could all tell that something wasn't quite right. There was tension and pounds upon pounds of emotional baggage that none of them even dared touch. Until now. Sam knew that this had been a long time coming. Maybe too long. Now it all happened at once. Everything just sort of blew up.

For a while it had been evenly matched, between Dean and Cas. But after a few decent exchanges Cas began to wear down. And soon, Sam could only watch as he saw the fallen angel get ripped to shreds by the wounded hunter. That's when Sam stopped listening and started watching. He saw Dean, flushed with a torrent of emotions, holding nothing back. And Cas…_jesus_…Cas just stood back and _took it_.

Cas looked like a ghost, like he'd died a long time ago and was just a fade, a vision existing in the present, like there was nothing left. Like Dean had reached into his soul, scooped out all the filthy, rotten insides and flung it back in his face. It made Sam want to rip out his own heart and put it in Cas' chest just to know that there was something beating inside Cas to keep him alive. But at this rate, Dean was going to kill both of them with his words. So Sam watched Cas, hoping that his eyes could convey enough love and compassion to counter Dean's blows. It's not that Dean didn't care. He did. Sam knew he did. But he was blinded by his own emotions that erupted to the surface. When Dean's hurricane finally blew itself out, he sighed and stormed off, leaving behind the pile of wreckage that was Castiel. Sam's mess. His beautiful little tragedy.

Cas finally realized that Sam had been in the room during the fight. He turned, slowly. He was fragile, about to shatter and Sam held his breath hoping he would not be the final blow. But he was. Tears finally fell. But he barely got a glimpse at Cas before the angel picked up his pieces and ran off like a frightened child. And he was. How could Dean not see that?

A flare of anger burned briefly and fiercely in Sam's heart, but he knew that was foolish. Dean was just as broken as Cas was, he just masked it with anger. Sam promptly extinguished that flame. He'd deal with Dean later. But for now he followed where the ex-angel had gone. He pushed in the door of Cas' room slowly, afraid of what he might find.

The angel sat alone in the dark on the edge of his bed, staring down at his hands as if he'd just killed a man. Sam stepped cautiously, like approaching a frightened deer. He didn't want to corner the poor guy, not after such an emotional beating. He wanted to console Cas, but he needed Cas to want that too.

"Hey Cas." Sam sat down beside him on the bed. "I know Dean was…really hard on you. But you should know he doesn't mean a word of it."

Cas was silent for a while, and Sam was beginning to wonder if he would speak at all when he whispered "How do you know that?" sounding terrified.

Sam sighed gently, placing a hand on Cas' back. "Because I know Dean."

Though Cas knew Sam was telling the truth, he didn't seem convinced.

"Listen, we all got our problems, I know that. And we'll work through them together it's just…we've all been through a lot lately and I think, being cooped up in here has done us all a number. We all just need to take a deep breath and relax. Can you do that for me?"

Sam rubbed Cas' back gently and Cas nodded weakly as stinging tears began to return. Sam caught a glimpse of the fallen angel's eyes and they were red and blue and _beautiful._

"Sam, I…I'm not angry at Dean. I'm upset because…I realized how badly I hurt both of you. I don't belong here anymore. And really…I never belonged. I can't do anything right…not as an angel, and certainly not as a human. I'm just a burden."

"No, Cas, hey. Look at me." Cas did. "You're not a burden, okay. You're _family_. And family doesn't care how messed up you get. We're always going to be here to take care of you. And nothing, _nothing_, you say or do is ever going to make us abandon you. Okay? We've been through hell and back. Literally. So all this stuff we're facing now, this is tiny." His voice was soft and gentle, a stark contrast to what Dean's had been.

Cas managed a small smile that brought the life back to his eyes. And before Sam knew what was happening the angel collapsed in his arms, nestling his head into Sam's shoulder. The hunter instinctively wrapped him in his arms. "You're right, Sam," Cas said, breath ghosting cross Sam's throat and making him shiver.

They stayed like this for a while, Sam simply holding Cas, feeling like he'd die if he ever let go of the ex-angel, like his arms were the only thing holding him together.

Sam whispered into the angel's soft, brown hair, "I know that Dean probably doesn't understand what you're going through. But I do. I've been where you are right now," he kissed the top of the angel's head, stroking his back softly with his thumb. "Because I've fallen from humanity just like you've fallen from grace."

And that's when it hit Cas. It's the final realization. He pulled away from Sam's chest to look him in the eye and he saw the same sadness there that he thought had faded long ago. But Sam was still an abomination. He couldn't take back the atrocities he'd committed. They still burned in his soul. That's when Cas realized they were the same. "Oh, Sam," he said, with his hands on either side of the hunter's face, pushing his long hair back and running his fingers through its length.

Sam looked at him with that deep seated sadness that Cas knew to be his own. But he also saw the true brightness and intensity of Sam's love for him that made his breath catch in his throat. And it was like looking in a mirror. He let the urge to kiss the hunter overtake him.

Cas pushed himself onto his knees and firmly claimed Sam's lips with his own. Sam responded as if he'd known this was coming. He arched his back up into the fallen angel and pulled him into his lap with two strong hands across his back.

Drowning in crashing lips and gasping breaths they felt lost but found. Like they had no idea this was how they felt about each other but when they really thought about it, it was so obvious. How could it have ever been anything else? So they kissed as if to make up for lost time, for all the times they could've said "I love you" but didn't. Tongues slid together as if to map out and memorize the exact taste of every inch of each other's mouths. And they became so natural, so human together that they forgot that at one point both of them had not been. Cas couldn't remember anything that wasn't Sam and Sam temporarily did not exist beyond Cas.

Breaking away from sloppy tongues and greedy kisses, Cas whispered against Sam's spit-slick lips gasping for air and _more Sam_. "Is this real, Sam?" he said, digging his hands into Sam's hair and grinding into the hunter's lap.

"Yeah. Yeah, Cas," Sam panted, running his hands down the other man's chest, reaching his hips and roughly pulling him closer against him, causing the ex-angel to gasp.

Their lips crashed together like the shore and the sea, hot, needy moans as the winds of a storm.

They ground their bodies together desperately, needing friction, wanting nothing but to feel the other's skin on their own. They pushed, and pulled, and struggled out of their clothes, and it was like freeing themselves from the chains of separation.

That's when they slowed down. Taken aback by their sudden lust for each other, startled by the intensity of it all. They inhaled the breath of the other in the close space between them. Their eyes met in an intense connection of deep, passionate understanding.

"Cas," Sam breathed, running his hands over his lover's hips and over his ass, pulling the angel closer into him. Cas groaned and ground against him harder. "Is this what you want?"

Sam could feel Cas' chest heaving against his own as he leaned down to run his lips across Sam's neck. "Don't ask stupid questions, Sam."

The hunter moaned when Cas buried his hand deep in his hair and _pulled_, exposing more flesh of his neck for him to lick, suck and kiss. And he certainly didn't disappoint.

Sam promptly drew two of his fingers into his mouth and sucked vigorously, laving his tongue over them, slicking them with his saliva. He kept his eyes locked on Cas as the friction between their twin erections created mind-numbing pleasure. The fallen angel moaned and gasped and writhed in Sam's lap until he could hardly stand it, throwing his head back and practically begging Sam to fuck him.

Sam didn't keep his lover waiting. He grabbed Cas' ass and teased his hole with an experimental finger. Cas positively _whined_, and Sam felt his own cock leaking precome between them. "Shit, Cas," Sam moaned as the ex-angel accepted both of his fingers beautifully.

They were panting and sweating and clinging in the heat of their passion.

Cas whined and moaned, desperate, dirty and honestly sounding a little bit frightened. "It's alright Cas. Let me take care of you, baby," Sam whispered gently into the angel's shoulder, stroking him softly anywhere he could get his hands to calm him down before they got comfortable enough to really get started.

Sam managed to find some lube and thank god for that. He was fairly certain this would be the angel's first time. His suspicions were confirmed by the way Cas shook and groaned when Sam finally pushed into his entrance. But damn Cas was a fucking sight to see, his brow shining with sweat, every muscle tense and his mouth hanging open in a slight gasp of pleasure. Sam was awestruck, utterly and completely taken with the fallen angel. So purely and truly in love it was almost painful.

Cas rode Sam's dick beautifully, despite starting out with an awkward rhythm, but Sam kept him in time with his thrusts.

"'S that feel good, Cas?" Sam managed to breath out, his voice rough with arousal.

"Uhn…yes…yes," Cas panted, clinging around Sam's neck for leverage as he moved his hips.

As they synched into a comfortable rhythm, Sam's hands moved from their grip on Cas' hips to roam all over, exploring heated skin and every hard-working muscle. But when he passed his palm over the fallen angel's shoulder blades, Cas gasped and flinched in pain.

Sam froze. "You okay?" he pleaded desperately.

Cas managed a nod. "It's…my wings," he said. "You can't see it but…there's scars."

Sam's heart ached to hear the pain in his lover's voice. "Do they hurt?" Sam asked in concern.

Cas collapsed into the hunter's shoulder, clinging to his neck in a desperate embrace. "Not when I'm with you," he whimpered.

Sam pulled Cas' face towards his and kissed the corners of his lips, breathing in Cas' sighs. "I'm gonna make all the pain go away, baby."

Cas whined, "Yes, yes…" and started moving once again. Desperate, furious thrusts that Sam countered beneath him, gripping Cas' hips and kissing his neck and shoulders and collarbones. Cas wrapped his arms around Sam's neck and buried his hands in his hair breathing desperate gasps of his lover's name.

Sam sealed their lips, shifted his hips beneath Cas' weight and swallowed a high gasp from the angel when he brushed his prostate. Though Cas was rendered speechless after that, Sam managed to keep a constant litany of "I love you"s whispered in the darkness.

So they made love in the low-light of the bedroom, their souls alight with passion. All the while their hearts sang the song of two people who had found each other at last.

* * *

Sam woke the next morning to the back of Cas' head. He grinned sleepily, remembering the occurrences of the night before. Cas was sleeping soundly, his back curled into the hunter's chest, their hands twisted together around the angel's middle.

Sam shuffled out from under the covers as gently as possible, knowing that Cas was not quite accustomed to human sleeping patterns yet and needed all the sleep he could get. He stepped quietly out of the room and found his way to the kitchen where Dean greeted him.

"Hey- ohhhh…" Dean twisted his face into a look of revulsion at his brother's debauched appearance. "You okay?" he asked as he stirred a spoonful of sugar into his black coffee.

"Yeah I…I'm _great_ actually…uh…"

"Woah, woah, you don't usually use the "_great_" unless you just got laid…" Dean observed. He sat down at the small kitchen table where he stared at his brother over the rim of his mug as he took a swig. Sam didn't reply. His face read "guilty."

Dean spit out his coffee.

After a period of uncontrollable coughing, Dean looked back at Sam and spat, "_What_." He looked around the room pointedly. "But there's no one else here but…" His face fell in realization. "Oh, Sammy you didn't." Sam's silence was all the answer he needed. "You fucked the angel!?" Dean exclaimed.

"Dean, please, he's right in the other room…" Dean looked like he was about to be sick as Sam came over and sat down across from him. "Holy shit…" Dean mumbled, staring down at his coffee and finding himself wishing it was some kind of very potent alcohol. "How did you uh…manage that one?" he choked out.

Sam just shrugged. "I guess we kind of…always had feelings for each other. It just took… something like this for us to figure it out."

Dean knew exactly what he meant by "this." "Oh…" he said, hanging his head, suddenly feeling ashamed as guilt from last night began to bubble up. "How's he doing by the way? I didn't mean to…"

"Yeah. Yeah, I know," Sam said almost sounding like he was the one apologizing. "He's fine. He'll be okay. We worked it out."

"You mean you fucked it out." Sam gave him a look. "Okay, sorry." Dean shrugged.

Sam sighed and stood up, heading to accomplish the task he had originally set out to do. He retrieved two mugs from the cabinet, filled them with coffee and fixed one for him and Cas respectively. Dean watched on in shock.

"Oh Sammy, don't tell me you're whipped already?"

Sam had enough of putting up with Dean's shit for one day. "Dean, I really care about Cas, okay? Try not to be more of a jerk than you already have been." And he turned his back on his brother and walked off, coffee for him and his lover in hand.

Dean sat back and sighed to himself feeling a rush of new emotions beginning to stir inside him. Sadness, guilt and also a bitter pang of loneliness.

* * *

Cas was still dosing, though not fully asleep when Sam returned. He shifted and released an adorable sleepy moan that made Sam's brain temporarily cease functioning. He carried the cups over to the bed, fully aware of the stupid, love-struck grin on his face and sat down on the edge. "Hey, Cas," he said quietly.

The ex-angel squirmed a bit to push himself up on one arm and look at Sam. "You brought me coffee?" Sam could only nod, Cas' sleep-tousled hair and flawless bare skin derailing Sam's ability to speak. "…you're a very considerate mate, Sam. Most human couples don't bother to engage in such formalities after intercourse." He sat up next to Sam and took the cup offered to him. They wore identical smiles of true and genuine happiness.

Sam just watched him for a while, "Yeah well, this wasn't just a hook up. I intend to be with you for…a very long time." He paused. "If you'll have me."

Cas looked at him with the most tender eyes and the faintest blush that assured Sam he felt the same way. "You really mean that, Sam?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I do."

"I'd like that."

One could almost hear their love-struck hearts singing in the contented silence that followed.

After a while Sam stood up and said casually, "I told Dean, by the way," taking another sip of his drink.

"Oh? And how did that go?"

"You know, for better or for worse," he shrugged.

Cas chuckled lightly and crossed the short space between them. "You're quoting matrimonial scripture, Sam. Are you trying to tell me something?"

Sam grinned a big toothy grin and looked deep into the angel's bright blue eyes. "You caught me," he said, wrapping his free hand around Cas' waist and pulling him in for a coffee flavored kiss.


End file.
